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Someone posted a casual comment on Facebook that I can't stop… - +-+-+-+ [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Feb. 29th, 2016|09:31 pm]
Someone posted a casual comment on Facebook that I can't stop thinking about. She said something to the effect of her superpower was being able to recognize that people are just jerks sometimes because they are responding to something that has hurt them in the past.

Something about that has really stuck with me and it makes me wish in hindsight that maybe I have been less of a jerk sometimes out of protection to myself.

C last weekend called me adorably bossy, which I took immediate offense to. It was a casual comment made in response to that whole S debacle and it immediately made me feel like such an asshole. I was coming from a place of protecting our relationship because I've met S's of the world and its gone awfully. Wolves in sheeps clothing, if you will. But after obsessively reflecting on it and talking with C, the end result would have always been the same (because she was craaaazy) but he wishes that we would have come to th conclusion together rather than it being a mandate that I have to our relationship (him). I get it. Totally.

It also makes me think how I've been so aloof, so guarded, so nonchalant about relationships previously. I wouldn't let anyone in because I was too busy protecting myself to see the potential good in other people.

If only circumstances were truly pure, and didn't come to the table with everyone's predetermined baggage...

If only.

We got out marriage license today, which was a beautiful moment. Afterwards we went out for drinks and people kept congratulating us. We met up with another distantly past ex of his (who I had never met) and I am afraid I was too salty with her. She was a nice girl, and I let my reservations about past bullshit with S and likely even more past bullshit with Sean, cloud this interaction. I'm disappointed in myself for that a little bit....

T-minus 12 days. I truly (TRULY) cannot wait.