Our honeymoon is wrapping up and it was a dream. Four countries over two weeks seemed like it was going to be a lot, but in hindsight we did it perfectly by balancing long sightseeing days with some lower key hanging out in cafes/pubs days.
We leave tomorrow and I'm finally accepting that we'll have to go back to real life and work soon. I'm ready for real life, work -- not so much. It's been really nice to get away, disconnnect and not have looming responsibility weighing me down.
Speaking of real life, I'm not taking birth control anymore! We planned on this stopping when we got home, but I forgot the next pack and so it begins now! Not officially trying to have a baby yet, but super not trying to /not/, so.... Stay tuned. 😊
But also I'm preparing myself for this to be a longer journey (based on no actual facts, just a strong feeling I have) so I'm trying to not get caught up in the obsession, just the excitement of the potential?
I feel like this has just become a place for me to dump my shifty wedding-related feelings. But anyway. There's more. They're both mom-related.
1. My mom wanted to come over last night to see my wedding jewelry in person because she's claimed she's been on the periphery this entire time. Granted, until 2 weeks ago, she lived in another state. But...
So, I let her come over and she saw the jewelry and that was fine. Until she told me more about the circumstances surrounding her move home. Apparently she made even more bad decisions than she previously told me about including loaning money to this man she reconnected with and was the reason she moved out of state in the first place, among other terrible decisions.
She's telling me this story and it turns from sad, to woe is me, to everything in my life is a mess, to her crying and screaming uncontrollably in my dining room. The whole I'm I'm thinking to myself, "you're springing this on me days before the wedding?!" And cringing as C is in the other room listening to this disaster go down.
2. Speaking of cringing. I need to vent about the groom's dinner for a moment. About 2 months out from the wedding, C's mom had made no moves to plan the groom's dinner mor responded to my reach outs asking if she was going to do anything. I made it clear that I respect tradition and that this is something usually planned for by the groom's side of the family, so I'd gladly step aside, but if nothing was planned, I would of course take it and run with it.
Heard nothing until she asked C for my family's email addresses without specifying a purpose. She sent out invitations, we made plans. Other wedding plans went on.
I had talked with her on Sunday after confirming with her the details of the wedding and making sure she knew the schedule. It was a weird convo... She told me that she would have to cancel her dinner plans before the wedding (?) because we weren't serving dinner (?!?) and she has an unknown health condition that causes her to have to eat regularly. (PS we are having dinner) So she seemed put out about my asking her a normal thing about arriving early to take fucking family pictures that I really don't care about taking. And she kept saying over and over again "I love you guys, I'm so proud to be able to do things for you guys, I'm so excited for you, I love doing things for you." It was weird and the same things repeated over and over.
Then tonight I get a text from my sister that the family was emailed details on how much the dinner will cost per person and saying that it's a Dutch dinner. I'm not one for etiquette or tradition or ceremony or any of that shit with this wedding, but I find it EXTREMELY tacky to ask people to pay for their own dinner. I didn't get emailed an invitation (which, HA!) but it was an addendum to the original invitation and it's something that makes me so incredibly uncomfortable, I can't stand it.
It's such a stupid thing but I find it so incredibly tacky... This isn't how you do things. It's so dumb but it's not right. And and and...
Someone posted a casual comment on Facebook that I can't stop thinking about. She said something to the effect of her superpower was being able to recognize that people are just jerks sometimes because they are responding to something that has hurt them in the past.
Something about that has really stuck with me and it makes me wish in hindsight that maybe I have been less of a jerk sometimes out of protection to myself.
C last weekend called me adorably bossy, which I took immediate offense to. It was a casual comment made in response to that whole S debacle and it immediately made me feel like such an asshole. I was coming from a place of protecting our relationship because I've met S's of the world and its gone awfully. Wolves in sheeps clothing, if you will. But after obsessively reflecting on it and talking with C, the end result would have always been the same (because she was craaaazy) but he wishes that we would have come to th conclusion together rather than it being a mandate that I have to our relationship (him). I get it. Totally.
It also makes me think how I've been so aloof, so guarded, so nonchalant about relationships previously. I wouldn't let anyone in because I was too busy protecting myself to see the potential good in other people.
If only circumstances were truly pure, and didn't come to the table with everyone's predetermined baggage...
We got out marriage license today, which was a beautiful moment. Afterwards we went out for drinks and people kept congratulating us. We met up with another distantly past ex of his (who I had never met) and I am afraid I was too salty with her. She was a nice girl, and I let my reservations about past bullshit with S and likely even more past bullshit with Sean, cloud this interaction. I'm disappointed in myself for that a little bit....
1. Wedding is in less than a month (!!!!!!!!!!) OMFG, I cannot wait.
2. Two bridal showers down and I didn't die of embarrassment or burst into flames. They were actually (dare I say it...?) FUN.
3. C's mom and sister have declined every single pre-wedding event. While this makes me incredibly sad (more sad than I am willing to admit publically...) it's clear what their priorities are, so we adjust. Onto the next.
4. Speaking of that (kinda) C was called a "race trader" by some guy with a megaphone on Hennepin Ave. we were walking by hand-in-hand and C pulled me closer to him after something was said (I didn't hear it initially). It left me feeling stunned and wronged, however, C had the right reaction (like he always does) and our might went on. He said things like this don't have to bother you, if you don't give them power. Easier said than done.
5. Oh! For you guys who were coming to the wedding and hoped to see S in all her crazy glory, I uninvited her and declared that her friendship is super no longer appropriate after she tried to hang out with him repeatedly knowing I was out of town. BYE!
6. I paid far too much for Beyonce tickets when she's coming back here. I'm going with my girlfriends and I cannot wait! Queen Bey - the soundtrack to my entire life.
7. Work continues to be the best and the worst all in one. I'm having successes and gaining a lot of respect and momentum. But it still feels like the most burdensome house of cards most moments.
8. I'm only adding this because I believe lists should (usually) be even numbered.
Jennifer had an amazing holiday party at a distillery and it was magical. Seriously, lady. Such a fun party! I am in love with all your friends and had the best time there! We got so fancy - I was in a sequin dress and face jewels (which just autocorrected to "dad jewels"?) and we were both in sneakers. So basically it was my preferred formal wear, where I'm both glam and in my comfort zone.
Everyone looked so great, including Jennifer who was wearing a flouncy, purple ball gown. Just beautiful and so gorgeous. In wanted to smooch everyone they were all smiles and shimmer and effervescence and SWOON.
Drank gin cocktails and ate BBQ while talking about local politics, train travel and what TV shows everyone was currently obsessed with.
The night had to come to an end, and after driving to the distillery, but clearly not being able to drive home, we booked a last-minute hotel room and snagged an end-of-the-night cocktail at Brass Rail after learning the hotel bar was closed.
Shame. Pretending to meet at a hotel bar is one of my most favorite clichés.
We slept in, luxuriated in the fancy hotel shower and escaped to brunch over the river. Sitting across from Channing at brunch over coffee and a mimosa, I had a thought to our future and I could get over how absolutely fucking exciting everything is.
Thank you for throwing such a fancy, amazing shindig, my dear. The holidays, for me at least, are usually full of stress and clinched teeth. I now have a different memory of holidays this year and I have forever burned them into my brain. 💖
FRIDAY Impromptu double date with my BFF and her husband. We started out at Morrissey's (the Irish bar down the block from where we live) where we learned that our favorite bartender has known my BFF (via her friend who he dated years ago) forever. Why is this important? Minneapolis is such a small town, y'all. So small.
Afterwards we went to the newest speakeasy blocks away. You have to go down an alley, around a parking lot and if the red light is on, you bang on the door and the bouncer lets you in. You walk underground to a hallway of non-description doors and when you open the right one, it's MAGICAL inside. Voila you are greated with a fancy speakeasy. Jennifer - it's very Marvel Bar, you would so enjoy it!! (And I would like to enjoy it with you...)
Stayed long enough to order almost every drink on the menu between the four of us and soaked in all the newness of such a great place. Other people there were much older and so we secretly hoped simultaneously that word would not get out and that we could completely control who showed up.
Left the speakeasy to go to the CC Club, a place that's actually a foundation for both or our relationships separately. They used to live blocks away and it was their Cheers and it was the place of our first kiss and so many memories last summer when we basically lived on the patio out back. Queued up a bunch of songs and talked about going on vacation together next year post-wedding and pre-babies. Would be a fantastic time for that.
They had to end the night early, so we took tj long way home and were in bed so early, which was so great.
ATE +coffeeeeee +turkey sandwich +cheeses from a cheese board +meats from a charcuterie board +part of Channing's cheeseburger and fries +amazing cocktails x3 (speakeasy) +shitty cocktail x2 (Morrissey's) +grapefruit beer (CC Club)
SPENT $10 thrown at the Morrissey's bartender who comped our drinks
TIME -sleep, meh -work, meh. Left early so the furnace guy could bring hear back to our house and did ZERO work from home -went on an amazing double date with R+C. Dinner and drinks all over Uptown. Talked about maybe going on vacation together in May. Would love love love to do that. -came home, laughed in bed, was asleep by 11:30 (amazing)
ATE +coffee +roast beef sandwich +baked Cheetos +mini kit Kat +chicken ramen +bite of sesame beef +pint of Sapporo
SPENT $135 with a Chinese herbalist. I intended to go for accupuncture for my sleep issues, but he said I didn't need accupuncture, I needed herbs. He "wrote me a prescription" for a mix of 18 herbs and roots. We'll see. $35 for a brow wax $7 lunch
TIME -slept pretty well. Had a dream that I had to watch C take a shower with his stupid ex, S. What's with these dreams about him smooching other people?! Ugh. -work was meh. Actually didn't get much done, which I'll pay for for days. Wasn't into it. Spend most of my day working from home - doing dishes and cleaning -on our way right now to see the Buddy Holly play with my Dad. It's our new family holiday tradition, I guess.