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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2015|08:54 pm]
+flax seed crackers
+hella coffee
+pepperoni pizza (reheated in the panini maker, still disgusting) i need to stop eating lunch meeting food
+some chips
+glass white wine
+spicy chili

$45 on a humidifier at Target
$30 on random Trader Joe's things

-got enough sleep, but woke up with a sore throat
-left work EARLY
-went to Target/TJ's
-browsed the bookstore for Channing's grampa's Xmas gifts
-got a drink to cheers such a great day at work for us both
-couch time watching Wheel of Fortune, RHOBH, Married at Forst Sight (SO GOOD)
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Yesterday [Dec. 15th, 2015|12:10 pm]
+flax seed crackers
+grilled chicken
+tapas at work HH - bruschetta, a marinated fig, chunk of cheese
+glass of white wine
+steak taco
+half glass of red wine
+English muffin


-slept poorly, on and off
-worked 9 hours including 2 hours spent with my boss talking about her jumble of a relationship
-work happy hour - played bocce ball
-came home watched football while continuing to work
-watched Jane the Virgin, which was a great show
-fell asleep happy
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Today [Dec. 13th, 2015|10:17 pm]
Just took the Zzzquil, so I've gotta make this quick.

+large cup of coffee
+English muffin
+one egg
+one link of turkey sausage
+baked lays
+a tiny can of Squirt
+chips & salsa
+1/2 enchilada
+some rice
+bunches of water

$102 - groceries

-slept for a glorious 9+ hours
-walked to the coffee shop
-went grocery shopping
-cooked a huge batch of chili and fajitas for the week
-met up with Cody for dinner
-watched Master of None in bed
-had a sweet conversation in bed about life, ending with us babbling in French to each other
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Yesterday [Dec. 13th, 2015|10:09 am]
+crepe with carmelized onions & greyere
+some of a Nutella crepe
+large coffee
+mixed drinks X ?
+part of a pretzel

$77.00 on wedding invitation supplies

-slept maybe 7 hours? Late (amazing) Friday night with Channing, then early morning friend date
-made invites while having brunch with Riley
-celebrated invitations being finished with Channing & Riley at Brass Rail
-heard from my ATL ex liking how happy I am about getting married. It was a nice sentiment and a fond memory of good times with him.
-fell asleep by 10.
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(no subject) [Dec. 11th, 2015|08:15 pm]
+half a bagel with cream cheese
+two cups coffee
+piece pepperoni pizza
+side salad
+beer (Lagunitas Apple something, it was sour)
+chips + cheese
+glass red wine

$30 something at Smitten Kitten
$30 something at Iron Door

-slept mayyyybe 4.5 hours (was wide awake at 3:30 am)
-worked 9 hours, even though I left early, I worked from home
-went on an impromptu sex toy shopping/quick dinner outing that was random and fun
-learned about a newly opened speakeasy which we are ABSOLUTELY going to as soon as we can
-now we're babysitting and watching basketball (Golden State vs. Celtics)
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Consumption [Dec. 10th, 2015|08:31 pm]
Jennifer did this once with what she ate/spent in a day and I found it FASCINATING. I'm going to try to track what I eat, spend and do with my time. Maybe if I'm feeling fancy I'll get all data viz about it at some point.

+1/2 bagel toasted with cream cheese
+2 cups coffee, Splenda
+beer (Deschutes Chainbreaker white IPA drank while escaping work(see previous post))
+cheese curds shared with the bartender while we talked serious biz about gel nails
+3 tacos from Los Ocampos (two al pastor, one carnitas - minus cilantro, plus radishes and Channing's extra radishes, plus tomatillo salsa)
+2 glasses water
+2 mini ice cream sandwiches
+1 Magic Hat #9 started while wrapping up work, finished now

$2.00 - parking at Augsburg for meeting
$22.00 - full tank of gas (Thanks, Obama! 😊)
$14.00 - Harriet's Inn
$17.00 - Los Ocampos

-slept 7.5 hours (2 5mg. Melatonin, generous glug of sizzurp), dreamt about a Trapp App (?), Channing making out with Jake's wife, and going on vacation to ride killer whales
-worked about 10 hours total with a break in-between for a mini-meltdown
-watched Vikings vs. Arizona while sitting on the couch smooching Channing
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(no subject) [Dec. 10th, 2015|02:36 pm]


Work continues to kill me.

In fact right now, it's 2:30 pm, I just wrapped up an off-site meeting that was at best - uncomfortable, at worst - totally awkward and cringeworthy. I should be at home, in my office, working and getting caught up on various million things, but instead, I'm in a bar, having a beer thinking about the ways I could have made the meeting better and beating myself up for not having the time (taking the time?) to do them.

The fact of the matter is, I am burnt the fuck out. For the past year, I've been doing two people's jobs and for the past month with a coworker on long-term disability, I'm doing the work of three people.

I told my (super crazy) boss that I needed a break. I have taken three days off his year, only for my brother's wedding, and the rest of the time I have meeting during the day and do my actual work at night from home. I know I'm not the only one who does this, I'm not along in feeling overworked, this is common amongst a lot of people.

So told her I needed a break, suggested a window at the end of the year where I could be away for partial days and could be super available to sales and our clients who most immediately need me. Her response was to ask me what exact time I'd would need off for a certain event and we'd somehow make that work, but not being fully available to the business really wasn't an option.

Truthfully, I get it. The business does need me (this isn't a brag or even a humble brag...) and one two sides of the coin I'm the ONLY one who can do what I do.

But... Can I please just have a minute to breathe? A day to sleep in? A time where I don't have people screaming for my attention?

So no real planned time off to decompress and have a light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to.

But, that same day she gave me a promotion (who cares) and a raise and I suppose I should be happy for both.... But I'm just not. It reminds me of a time about a month ago where she broke me down in a meeting in front of an outside colleague who I respect a lot and have to work with closely and yelled at me for sport and then the next week bought me a fancy purse and wallet as if that somehow pays me back for her shitty behavior?

I know I'm just complaining and that's not productive and blah blah blah. In someways I feel like this promotion may gain me either more perspective/influence within the company to do better things with my time and not be so stressed, or it'll give me the title allowing me to stay for a while and jump ship.

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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2015|10:24 pm]
Currently: there's an adorable baby sleeping on me.

His name is Nico. His mom is Italian, his dad Argentinian and he speaks mayyyybe three words on English.

His Dad is one of those people I've known for years and who knows a lot of my /secret/ secrets. He's a bartender at my cheers and has poured me many a strong drink, told me stories about his insane life to distract me from myself and knows the best Janet Jackson songs to play, even though he's in a punk band.

I have this deep connection to this baby and every time I'm at their place, I zone out on adult conversation and am completely enamored with him.

His mom tells me that I'm one of the only people who he has immediately bonded with. I really never met the mom until after Nico was born, but all along I asked Jeronimo (that is really his name...) all about the details of her pregnancy, the doctor's visits, the baby. He was so excited to become a dad so he told me everything.

It's amazing how friendships change as you get older, become more mature, priorities change. From someone who used to pour me endless whiskey sevens to someone who I would consider being the godfather of my future children -- life is so weird, man...
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Moments I need to remember [Nov. 5th, 2015|10:39 pm]
Spending time with my BFF on a random late night happy hour.

Catching up like no time was lost in between check-ins.

Being able to be really real and honestly honest about the good, the bad, the lifeyest moments.

Her unintentionally eating half her fortune with her fortune cookie.

Drinking two bottles of wine between the two of us.

Sharing a cab home laughing the whole time uncontrollably about cold medicine, of all things.

Coming home to the best man.

Knowing that having these random moments with female friends makes all the difference in the world.
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(no subject) [Oct. 24th, 2015|10:41 am]
So, C's sister is pregnant. We found out last Sunday at a family dinner. When I heard the news, I knew C would be upset, but he held it together until his mom said let's do a celebratory shot and he had four. We came home and sat on the porch and I asked him questions to get him to talk about it. He said he was so upset about it that he said could weep.

C's sister isn't married, and that's the problem, at least for him. She's engaged, has bought a house with her partner, is getting married in 2016 (now with the baby in attendance!), so this isn't like a random one-night stand. But she'd young (and is a young young) which is my concern. She's 27 but some days acts 21, others 17. Never her actual age or presumed matirity. She's the only girl, the youngest child and has always been a bit of a princess. I don't give into this weird family dynamic, but on the whole she's oddly treated differently and spoiled.

C is very pure about things; I've always known this. This is why he proposed the weekend you came into town, Nicole (side note: loved that weekend x infinity) because we were moving in together the following weekend and the ring didn't come until that Thursday from the jewelry designer. You don't live together without being engaged to be married, you don't have kids until you're married, you establish your marriage solidly before having kids and so on.

When we talked after his sister's news, he explained to me a little more about where this comes from. Because C is the most laid-back, relaxed and accepting person I know, so I was asking him where this purity and rigidity came from. He told me about talks with his Grampa (who in his life was his father-figure) who told him at a really young age how life would be different for him and the best possible ways to show up in the world to mitigate these differences. This includes working harder than anyone you know, how to dress properly, not having kids when you're not married, always being polite, treating marriage respectfully and so on. C is very traditional, vey old-school and it's one of the things I appreciate and value the most from him, actually.

So with his sister being pregnant, he's settling into things. We've talked about it a lot and he's moved from wanting to cry to knowing that when there's a newly-born baby in the world, he's going to have it nap on his chest and life will be okay. Not having years and years of history with someone is sometimes a bit scary to me, because I don't know how exactly they will react in situations that we've never encountered together. But in hindsight, this situation was no different than the others we've tackled together. Key word: TOGETHER.

But, I do have to admit, deep down, I was a little sad that I wasn't the one who was pregnant. It would have been not the right timing for 50 million reasons (namely see C's purity on these things above) but I'm starting to think about babies and having them someday. It's thrilling to think of.
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